It’s funny. I am 33.I’m well-traveled. I am well educated. I hold my own on many levels. My blog is hitting a successful drive and the future looks bright in me continuing to pursue my dreams. I should be happy right? And I am, I promise. However, in April, as I sat in an empty hotel room enjoying a piece of success while hosting an event for Gaiam and Lord & Taylor…I was suddenly lonely for the first time.
I have always been a career driven person. I don’t take no for an answer, I just find a different path. I have always put that drive first. Maybe it’s because I tend to be awkward and shy around boys that I like, but the romance department was just not my comfortable area of focus. After much dedication and burning tons of midnight oil, I am in a comfortable area of my life and I would love to share it with someone. Sounds easy right? It’s not. I do get asked out. I do say no. It’s not to say that I am super picky but at this point I just really know what I am looking for. I disagree with people that say “you never know” because honestly I do know. I am very ready to enjoy my life with someone and share these amazing things that are happening right now but does not mean that there is a reason to settle. I feel like when you settle, you open yourself up to the possibility of cheating or misery in the future because you are always wondering…”but what if?” I would personally rather stay single no matter the loneliness then open up that can of worms.
It’s funny, I had never thought of it before, but a friend of mine pointed out that they definitely have a type. It just so happens that their type is people who aren’t interested in them. The minute he said it, a light bulb of thought went off in my head. This person lives what seems to be a social blue print of a great life, but yet they are lonely as well. They figured it out. Dating and love is hard. Playing all probabilities and percentages in the equation, the chances of you finding someone that you are overall compatible with is a depressing thought.
So I sit here at 33. Patiently waiting for that one that is my type AND likes me. I don’t know when it will happen. Or if it ever will, but I am willing to wait. At 33 I’ve learned that its ok to want to feel wanted. Its ok to want the effort. Its ok to want to hear that you are beautiful, funny or meet any mark of attractiveness. I’m not in the habit of booty calls (that’s a whole other blog that I am working on right now!). I want the little things in life.
Ultimately, I know that they are out there. I could possibly even already know them (see linked thoughts on the friend zone in related blog below), but as much as I know I need to try, I need them to show me I am great as well. I’m not everybody’s type, I am a dry, witty and acquired personality taste but I sure as hell am worth it and eventually I will be my type’s type. It is ok to be lonely and to feel a little lost sometimes. It makes me a stronger and more sympathetic person overall as I mainly now find my happiness and helping others seeking happiness. For now, I will enjoy the world and the people in it and continue to strive for success because I know there is someone out there to share it with.
xoxo
Lonely but Patiently Waiting to be My Type’s Type
See below for SOME photos of my amazing travels : )