Little Brown Girl, What Are You?: Growing Up Biracial & Dealing with Racism in Society

I understand that I cannot understand. I feel and fear for those that have dealt with systemic racism their entire lives.

No matter what prejudices I have been dealt throughout my life, I will NEVER fully understand but I will respect those that walk that life daily as long as they go about activism in the proper way. In order to prove my point, I will never hurt innocents for my own gain, or take from their property assuming that it can be replaced, or belittle someone else to make my agenda known. This is harder than you think and takes daily strength. I vow to lead by example for black, white and the sake of moralistic humanity.

I understand that I cannot understand. Colorism is wrong but racism is its own pandemic.

Growing up biracial was not easy mentally. I was teased by many about my mixture of looks, my hair and my body. I often felt misunderstood by most and accepted by few. It often forced me to be an observer of people and their societal behaviors. As an adult, this has become a true blessing as it has made me wiser and stronger; but as a child and adolescent….this all really f*cking hurt. I was never white enough. I was never black enough. I was never the right body type. I never had the right hair. I never ever felt like enough. This pain growing up is not something that my mom could have changed me going through because it was something that my peers put me through. Yes obviously I had friends (some who lasted and some who didn’t), I played sports and I had a high school boyfriend. Shockingly (jk) he was one of 2 white males on our high school basketball team (seems like I was just born to shine in controversy). All this never balanced out the damage that was already there. Questions about my freckles, why my hair was different and why I didn’t act in a certain way to be considered part of a “color” always stuck with me in a confusing fashion. To me, I was just me. I was always a private person. I was always an observer and I always loved learning from others from different backgrounds. No matter how neutral I was, I wasn’t “enough” for anyone.

I understand that I cannot understand. My faced prejudices are not the same even though they were hardships.

However confusing or hard things may have been, I will NEVER pretend to understand, even with the prejudices I faced, mine do not compare to the profiling that many blacks go through. I don’t get pulled over for abiding by the law. I don’t have people cross the street in avoidance of me. I don’t have to overly worry about my travel destinations in fear that racism of my kind is too prevalent (because yes….racism exists everywhere for those of you that do not realize). Many of you that read this have also not personally experienced this. I write this to ask you to think of those that live these exact truths daily.

I understand that I cannot understand. I am light skinned and that is a privilege.

During this time, I have reflected on my own purpose and actions and I have analyzed where I can do better. My silence is never to be mistaken as not caring. I watch, I observe, I educate myself and I form my own damn opinion after MY research. I will not adhere to “sheep” like standards and I will not take offense like many in a “soft and snowflake” society. I know I need to do better because I have done my own analysis….nobody told me what to do or how to do it. Through societal influence of ALL colors and my own errors and omissions, I have never felt fully comfortable calling myself black. In the future, I vow to share these thoughts to those who will listen. I vow to use my platform to raise awareness. I vow to own my black side with unabashed pride. I will not let anyone of any race, sex or backgrounds make me feel uncomfortable or ashamed of who I am.

I understand that I cannot understand. In the ware on racism, I may not be a sheep, but I’m not a full grown lion…yet.

If you are not of African American decent, then I encourage you to educate yourself on the morale of society. Same goes with understanding ALL background and walks of life that are different from what you came from. I have learned the importance of this through my travels and all parts of humankind should want to understand where another is coming from….even if we consider them the “enemy.” Travel enriches and educates a soul in a racist and biased society.

I understand that I cannot understand. My list of racist travel places will never compare to one who is dark skinned.

If you have biracial children, I ask you to have these difficult talks with them. They are necessary and a huge part of our overall narrative. They are a part of this positive change that we need in this life. Make sure your children KNOW and CLAIM all aspects of their ethnicities that make them beautifully unique. This will play huge importance to their own mental health and with their impact on our society as a whole. I ask that all of you be compassionate humans and to understand that someone saying #blacklivesmatter doesn’t mean that you and your own personal narrative don’t matter. All lives do matter but as an empathetic society, we must support the house that is fully on fire before it collapses and takes out all of our livelihood and societies.

I understand that I cannot understand. My house may have a small fire that needs to be extinguished, but my neighbor’s home is currently burning to the ground and I must help where I can.

If you have any morals or respect, you owe this to society. Our present day life and most importantly, our futures depend on this. Stop your judgements. Stop your arguments. Learn to shut up and listen before shoving your narrative in someone else’s face. I do not know that I will ever feel fully accepted and this makes me sad. I do not think I will ever be “black” enough or “white” enough. I do not think that I will ever feel like I am just “enough” in general. However, I am going to try to take the sadness that this biracial girl has felt in a biased world and I am going to be the best example I can be for both sides of me.

I understand that I cannot understand. My brown skin is judged by both my black and my white side daily but it still is better than daily overt racism.


little black girl & little white girl


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